Dear Jillian.

Dear Jillian Michaels,

I wanted to apologize for slamming you in my facebook status yesterday. If you want to market your own diet pill, that's your prerogative! I should not pass judgment on the fact that you have plastered your face all over thousands of DVDs, wii games, water filtration systems, and cereal boxes. You are still my favorite Biggest Loser trainer, and if I were on the show, I would pick you over Bob in a heartbeat (though I love you too, Harper).

All day long, I worried that, because I am a fan of yours on facebook, you would somehow see my status. I stressed that you would manifest all of your ragey workout energy into my still shrink wrapped DVD copy of 30 Day Shred, which was waiting for me at home to take on at the end of the work day. I even hit the gym for 3 miles on the treadmill on my way home, partially because I was so intimidated by your 20 minute workout.

I can proudly say that I made it through Level 1 of Shred without cheating ONCE (partly because my fiance was drinking a beer on the couch watching me, critiquing my form the entire time). I have to tell you, it was a hell of a lot easier than Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism. I even got a little cocky towards the end, telling your mini-me on my tv screen that I could do jumping jacks all the live long day. I wanted to take the time to thank you for not making me do any high knees, burpees, or walking planks. It made me think you had forgiven my facebook comments.

Thirty minutes after completing your workout, I realized that you had gotten your revenge. I could hardly keep my arms up long enough to wash the shampoo out of my hair. Lifting my water glass to my mouth is becoming increasingly difficult as the night progresses. I'm not confident that this pain will lessen overnight, and although I am slightly terrified, I will face you again late tomorrow morning before work.

I can't wait for next week's premiere of "Biggest Loser: Second Chances". I hope you have a mouthful for Daniel.

Your fan forever,

Mary Ann*